All my life I have aspired toward music. All my literal life I have wanted to write. All my educated life I have dreamed of being a mathematician and physicist. Beyond the simple words you see here, beyond playing olde tyme tunes on a harmonica, beyond toting up the grocery bill, beyond all my yearnings and desires I have come up short. All about me seems suppressed even depressed. Oh, I have accomplished things, I have excelled at things, I have even won at things, but all those things I have achieved were things I just fell into. They were not things I dreamed of or had a burning passion for. My passions have been doused as if a fire by water. My passions have never seen the light of day. I guess this little essay is a way to set my passions free. To allow others to know I have at least thought about such things. To ask others to help me see where I may have gone astray. To help me understand that I am either very unique or completely surrounded by others who dream much like me.
Art. Being an artist. Is that what I seek? Maybe some of you artists out there can explain to me about these deep down feelings I have. Why do I feel so inadequate in so many fields? What does it feel like to really be a musician? Hey, you, yes, You. Are you a musician? What does it feel like to be so talented? What would you advise me to do to bring out my inner Springsteen? Why won't the sounds just bubble out of my soul? Why won't the words match the music? How come I can love the sounds of song and music yet can't utter a simple scale or B note? Maybe you can help me understand since you are a musician.
Physics, oh, physics and the stars, the Universe, the Big Bang. Why can't I understand. I can put all the numbers together up until a point and then suddenly I am slammed into a brick wall that tells me something about my figuring isn't adding up. When did I quit learning? I tried all the way to Geometry and Trig and Calculus and even lower level Physics courses but I got lost somewhere between the electron and those little geeky particles that no one seems to be able to find. What is my Problem? I know some of you are rocket scientists, maybe you can teach me. Maybe you can set me straight. What course will help me bring all my classes together?
I really would like to see a discussion by people with proven talents in almost any human endeavor that would allow those of us less skilled to understand what it is like to be so endowed. Can you poets let us know how the words bubble up? Can you musicians tell us whether the instrument is that blob between your ears or the shiny, brassy thing you are blowing on? How much of the talent we seek is attributable to the person and how much to the training or environment? If you have talent that others are denied you surely must owe us some kind of understanding. What can you tell us?